Now I remember why I hate this thing sometimes.

It has been two solid days now after getting the BMW running, it has been an exhilarating experience as a whole, but there has been some things I may have forgotten about……….

But let’s talk about the good stuff first before talking about the avalanche of “fuck” that is going to hit me square in the face. It started with 10 seconds of a new battery in it. Most things seemed to be reasonably ok, not huge obstacles to overcome. I always remember her being peppy, not fast mind you, but peppy. She can keep enough speed through the turns and has enough traction to keep grip. Also,I could do dumb things like backing up really fast, locking my brakes and making a U turn in a Wells Fargo parking lot

Now. Here is where I am starting to have “issues.” I have an engine ecu gremlin, his name is Chuck. Chuck is a dick. He only shows up when you need to punch it. Ol’ Chuck leaves the engine into a sputtering mass of uselessness. He is like a “friend” you don’t like, he shows up to your dinner party uninvited and demanding a $20 steak. If you are just futzing around he is usually in a coma, not bothering you. But when a tractor trailer is bearing down on you, Chuck shows up and demands a beer and oral sex. A quick flash of ignition switch and bang, Chuck is sufficiently confused to allow you to push for the closing gap between the jersey wall and the truck. 

Apart from Chuck, it isn’t that comfortable to drive as a daily. It can be exhausting, between the wind noise, hard ride and the very strict seat position (I call it German ass). For an eight mile pleasure cruise down a country road, sure it’s great! Going to downtown Richmond commute ride, I would rather be chased by a group of feral cats. That leads up to the biggest problem, no matter what you do. You. Will. Look. Stupid. If you drive it day to day, the muffler doesn’t work, so it’s loud, in fact it rattles around. I have given up putting a stereo in it because it’s useless. That noise attracts attention, by the police. Yay. I have gotten more speeding tickets in that car for just standing at a stop light.  By the way you can only drive in one way, like an asshole.  You asshole everywhere. In the parking lot, at school, in a bank drive thru. Assholing is a pretty good way to get normal people to hate you. Oh they hate your guts, they see you and think: “Wow, what a douchebag.” And I hate disappointing people, so I live up to their expectations. BY SCREECHING EVERYWHERE I GO. Now when they see me light to light they give me enough space to drive as a I please. Like a Doucher. Of course I am going to deafen you with my loud and rattling exhaust, you already expect that! It’s completely unnecessary I know! That is why I have an adult car that I drive daily and I keep this at home! 

It’s all fun and games with that car, not good when you have to go to your one of Grandmother’s funeral, she never liked that car anyway. She was glad when she thought I got rid of it. Good thing I didn’t show up with it last Saturday or she would have been pissed. 

 

 

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