Sometime people are need of a jump. A little pick-me-up. A jolt. A start for a new day. Some people enjoy a cup of coffee. For others, they down a shot of 120 proof whisky, And for some strange people, 2000 Volts straight to the nipples is the only sufficient morning stimuli. Not judging here, but I usually pick up a coffee. 

Well, my BMW was looking for a start of a new kind and it required the 12 Volt pick-me-up.  A battery. What should be a very simple task of purchasing a battery and installing it turned into a storm of incompetence, because I am a cheap bastard. This quest of mine had me searching high and low for any battery that will fit, had the right amperage and the polarities on the proper side. How hard could this task be? I work in a mechanic shop that has tonnes of batteries lying around.

The answer is very complex, seeing that giving up two hundred dollars of my money isn’t an option, I have it, I just don’t want to give the parts people. And this how that interaction will go:

Me: “Hello I need a new battery”

Parts Person: “Where is your core?

Me: “Here”

Parts Person: “Here is your new Battery” *swift kick into my balls* “here is ten bucks off for your core”

That may actually happen, I have pissed off many a “Travis” at a parts store. As for the professional guys, they have no time for my bullshit, as the frequently tell me. Well, only one guy has told me that, and I called him a doddering old fuck in rebuttal. I had enough of his bullshit that day too. So everytime I go pick up parts at his place we find each other at this strange detente, We respect each other for letting our feeling be known to each other. But he still thinks I am full of shit and I still think he is a doddering old fuck. Money and parts are usually exchanged without incident.

As for the battery, I have no new leads for one yet, but I will come across one soon, even if I have to take the kick in the balls for one soon.

***I found a new battery for cheap! They only kicked me in one testicle, also!

Total money I have wasted instead of saving for my future children’s tuition:

$121.47 Hawk HP plus front brake pads

$245.00 ST suspension lowering springs

~$200 Front strut tower brace

$100 Battery

Total: $666.47


Side note: my wife thinks that General Zod from the new Superman movie looks like a salesman from an auto parts store named “Travis”





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